chimachanga

I am so mad that I missed Ben's naked Cop party

2005-04-24T14:05:26Z

But at least I won't be missing "Riding The Bus With My Sister" on CBS Sunday.

God, I hate Rosie. And can anybody tell me if she is playing a retard in this movie or if this just a new retro look for lesbos?

My day trip to Harlem

2005-04-11T00:28:31Z

Today I went to harlem with tuesdayknight and jellogrl. We attended the way the hell off broadway production of Caligula. To best sum up this theatrical masterpiece I would describe it as combination of Rocky Horror Picture Show meets a Black Gospel meets homosexual bestiality porn. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that audience participation is required--even if you are over 86 years old and have a heart condition (sorry that this was not captured by photo for better explanation).

http://www.classicaltheatreofharlem.org/

Taryn is always fashionable even while being "street smart" with here purse clutch.

No flash photography was allowed, so this one's blurry--Its the peanut vendor before the play starts.

Taryn documenting the wide array of condiments on the table at "Marje Red Rose's Restaraunt" a.k.a. "eat here or else just stay home and have 6 sticks of salted butter cause it's all the same anyway-Cafe." Hopefully Taryn will be posting the picture from her view point soon.

We also took time to admire the local graffiti. Though it is not ornate as the graffiti in other neighborhoods, I did appreciate its honesty.

captainupa @ 2005-02-09T07:55:00

2005-02-09T13:08:19Z

Happy Ash Wednesday! Don't forget to leave your house without smearing some poo on your face.

P.S. Don't call me insensitive, I used to date a catholic for 2 and half weeks in college and am therefore not a bigot.

Reasons why leaving work early tonight was good.

2004-11-25T00:58:54Z

1. Leaving work early is always nice.

2. I walked past a store playing that "Dear Sir, I need a quarter so I can buy my poor old momma some shoes 'fore she dies of cancer and ends up meeting Jesus barefooted 'cause I couldn't afford no shoes" song. Which ordinarily is a bad thing, but I haven't heard it since last christmas and it reminded me of a time when jimmymontrose was doing a parody of it.

3. I get on the train and a damn good Tracy Morgan impersonator sat down next to me at the Penn Station stop for the rest of my ride home...in fact I'll go ahead and start telling people this story from now on like this: "oh, have you heard my Tracy Morgan story?.."...which is sure to be a crowd pleaser come Christmas.

4. I am sitting next to the Tracy Morgan look alike and at the 42nd St. stop and 5 colored girls in full matching team spirit outfits got on the train and started stomping, snapping and singing the "I always feel like somebody's watchin' me" song....again another song I don't care too much for, but it was just too surreal and I know that if JELLO GRL were still alive (r.i.p.) she would have been truly inspired.

Y'all ready for this Woody?

2004-09-12T15:58:40Z

I know my LJ friends' lists are full of all those OC suckers, but tomorrow night Seas numero tres of Everwood is starting up. Fellow Frog fan tuesdayknight has caught me up on some of the surprises due in this season.
Long story short--nobody needs to be callin' me between the hours of 9 and 10 pm tomorrow.

captainupa @ 2004-07-24T10:51:00

2004-07-24T15:01:52Z

www.bikerbkilly.com

I just discovered this public access Satanic Biker Cook Show. Why hasn't anybody told me about this sooner?

Why can't I have cute neighbors?

2004-06-28T11:58:20Z

Best thing about The Stepford Wives...

2004-06-12T04:26:47Z

Grams has 5 seconds of screen time. I only hope they paid her enough so that she can fund a pilot for a Creek spin off with herself as the new lead.

captainupa @ 2004-05-13T11:59:00

2004-05-13T16:01:47Z

Sorry that I haven't posted much lately...but does anybody want to loan me $6000 so I can bid on this plastic watch?

www.swatch.com/helmutnewton

Is it gas face or do my balls just hurt like a mother fucker?

2004-03-24T04:26:50Z

If I were a paid user I'ld make a poll with that question and this photo. All I know about this guy is that he hangs out near where I work, drinks espresso all day, and hasseles all the men that walk past him while giving "cat calls" to all the gals. God, I can't wait to be retired and become him.

The hottest new show in town

2004-03-09T14:23:29Z

I just saw a commercial for Cookin'. Its the new off-broadway show served up from the producers of Stomp and producers of Iron Chef. It is, as they say, "a sizzling sensation." I can't believe people would see this when they could just go to Bennyhanna's instead. I hope they do one next called "Poopin'" and they can fart around and slam toilet seats while other guys zip and unzip the beat in front of a urinal--maybe then they'll get my cash.
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Getting to the bottom of it

2004-01-29T16:37:42Z

There isn't anything on tv during the week after Dawson's Creek 'cept Murder She Wrote. I got drawn in to the drama yesterday when Jessica was stuck in the USSR after the KGB confiscated her passport. Today I must resist watching it, but with thoughts of murder mystery looming I am curious to uncover when in the hell "Mr. and Mr. Nash" is going to start airing.

Mr. and Mr. Nash stars Alan Cumming as an interior decorator who (along with his boyfriend) solves murder mysteries by night.

Another mystery to solve, is finding out who sanitys_end is. Thus far I am their only friend and interest. Knowing this person has good taste is my only clue to work on. If anybody else has any leads let me know.

Hey, Just ask for Donna.

2004-01-22T23:27:23Z

R.I.P. Wolfman

Mouse II

2004-01-04T22:22:32Z

I just got home from work and was planning on finally opening the chocolate Santa than Ben got me for christmas. I reached in the stocking to pull it out only to find that the GD mouse somehow made his way back inside and decided to taunt me by eating Santa's head. As if that wasn't enough of a slap in the face, he left a couple of pellets in my Christmas stocking as well. Next time I catch 'em I'll know better than to simply through him out the window.

in the year 2004

2003-12-31T23:51:50Z

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I predict:

-Rachel Ray will be involved a drug-related scandal
-Naughty by Nature will make a come back with das efx
-Madonna will make a mediocre movie
-More use of feminized words (bartendress, interior designstress, serial killstress)
-I will break either my right leg or right wrist
-More than 10 comments will appear on a Captainupa post and I'll change my icon
-Devilfish will become a household name
-Production will begin for Goonies II <i>Sloth Returns</i>
-Vitaball commercials will be the new Pearl Girl commercial

I need to get out more

2003-12-19T14:38:16Z

I haven't been out drinkin' 'till the wee hours in so long that I didn't know how different things had become. Last Friday I went out to Lenny's. I had to go so badly and couldn't hold it (a number one if you must know) but the bathrooms had no privacy. I kept peeking in the door to grab my chance. First time I look in there--guy peein', second time--guy peein' while chugging a tall boy and smoking, third time--girl peein' and I don't mean squatting either, she was standing a doing business like a man! I admit I was in shock, but as I am always trying to be open minded I did a little research on the www and this is what I found:
http://www.restrooms.org/standing.html

Move over Sanrio

2003-12-09T16:00:40Z

http://www.scarystoriesinc.com/

Its official...

2003-11-25T20:35:50Z

But will Jake be able to follow in his fathers' footsteps?

I think we all know the answer here.

Reoccuring nightmare

2003-11-13T14:14:34Z

The transexual lesbian plumber has to come back to the Deerfield today. It better not leave a mess like it did last time.

Dealin' with the Devil

2003-11-13T04:19:02Z

So I am not much into watching sports on tv, but Ben and I just saw the Superbowl of poker games on tv ($40 dollars a day wasn't on). Apparently "Devil Fish" Ulliott is the biggest name in poker circles. He actually sold his soul so that he could become the best card player in the world. He alway wears red glasses and a pimp ring that reads "devil" while he is trying to intimidate other players, such as the Tiger Woods of poker. Unfortunately, the Tiger Woods of poker doesn't have a website, but here is Devil Fish's http://www.thedevilfish.com/index2.html

Fair Warning

2003-11-07T20:16:34Z

I've issued a zero tolerance policy and I will draw a line through anybody's name who buys this and makes me listen to it at any christmas parties this year. Its barely a week into november and the commercial for this is already annoying me...but not as badly as the "love actually" jingles that they play nonstop.

Last nights winners and losers

2003-11-01T18:23:08Z

Most original and/or obscure costume:

3 way tie

1. Gabriel on Rollerblades from the David Cross CD.
2. The Princess from Space Balls' stunt double.
3. Janet Lee attacked by the birds.

Runner Up:

3 way tie

1. Sexy Mummy
2. Rerun
3. Ali G.

Best Couple Outfits:

1. Kurt and Courtney
2. Toilette Paper Roll Full V. Toilette Paper Roll Empty
3. Pirates and Pirate Booty

Most overdone:

Go Go Yubari (Asain Catholic School Girl Killer) from Kill Bill.

Do you ever wonder what the world would be like if...

2003-10-30T14:52:02Z

John Candy were still alive? Would he still be making movies where he always has to get in drag? I bet he'ld have taken a turn to doing more dark comedies and he'ld be in the next Wes Anderson film (possibly in drag still).

Of course I only question myself like this on days like today when there isn't any fresh celebrity deaths to ponder.

captainupa @ 2003-10-26T22:55:00

2003-10-27T04:19:11Z

Ok, sometimes scars can be nice. Sometimes even hot. Hell, I have a scar on my leg. But this weekend I've seen about 20 people with fresh facial scars...stiches and all. The first couple of them I saw I just figured was some bizarre coincidence and I would politely just look away, but they kept coming and coming and I even had to talk to a few of them (which is equivalent to trying to talk to somebody with a lazy eye and not knowing where to look). Its not like I was at a hospital. I hope that this trend doesn't happen every where I go from now on.

Oh, and its even worse if the person has three nostrils as in the above.

Blue Collar Transexual Lesbianism is the new Metrosexual

2003-10-24T01:51:22Z

I swear that this is the last time I'll mention the tranny lesbo that has been doing plumbing at the Deerfield. Our apartment's plumbing is now as screwed up as the plumber's. The horrific images that are now burned in my mind will forever haunt me.

However, in reference to Bill's lack of good tv post the other day, I think that a reality show that documented transexual lesbian plumbers would get better ratings than Queer Eye...or at least it'ld be as good as the first season of Ana Nichole Smith's show.